wrigley field is MILF paradise
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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