i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
