cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
