well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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