I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize