Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
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FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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