I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
