I seem to have left my pride at pride
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
