90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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