Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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