Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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