fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
