Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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