I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
