hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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