Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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