And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
