help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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