I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
is wine microwaveable?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
