I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
