If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
