you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
