I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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