I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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