so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
