Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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