Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
