I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she looked like the before picture.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
