Define "chronic" masturbator.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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