I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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