She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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