dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
