Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
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I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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