Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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