My nipple is on Facebook.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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