My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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