Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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