There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
