Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
