Quick, to the slutcave!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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