all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
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I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
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When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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