vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
