just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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