just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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