Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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