we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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