I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
