His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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