I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too