6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i think i have two assholes
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up