She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
