Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
