I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
