i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
time to smoke my breakfast
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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