You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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