Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
