I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Oh god it's open bar.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
