i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
