All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
