the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
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It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
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You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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