hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm too high and old for this...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
