I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
