i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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