The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
