I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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