alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We are two peas in an std pod
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
