pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
