went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
