he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
